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More Watley than You can Stand
Please note that our Articles do not become more Accurate with Time, though Scotch improves their Quality Immeasurably. I do Believe, however, that the Older articles are acquiring a Patina of Historical Respectability, as well as a certain respectable Odor.
We have a Splendid new clerk, Mr. Google, who you may send to Search our archives; alternatively, you may peruse them Yourself.
May 2010:
SWAT Team Deployed to House of Gregor Samsa
Devil Complains that Facebook Changed Terms of Diabolical Contract
NASA Sends Tang on Final Mission
Denver Happily Concedes Police Duties to Vigilante In Tights
Grasshopper Bailout Could Cost 5 Billion Seeds and Half a Snickers Bar
BP Quickly Buys All Nature Channels
Iceland Secretly Glad Something Big Enough Happened to Bump Volcano out of News
Lettuce Leaves BLT, Citing Infidelity
Once a Friend... er... Who, Exactly, Are You Again?
April 2010:
Greek Bonds Downgraded; Zeus Sorry He Left Hermes In Charge
Humorists Furious at Arms Race with Tea Party
Large Hadron Collider Strikes Deal with Unilever to Make "Foods of the Future"
February 2010:
Supervillain Angered By Obama's Reputation as Greatest Threat to America
State of Massachusetts Hung Over, Can't Recall January
Synthesthete Complains About Off-color Jokes
Nailing Down the Problem in Washington
October 2009:
Experts Say Economic Recovery Hindered by Competence
The Importance of Hitting the Right Button
Recession Leading to Poor Beverage Choices, Says Study
Sign of the Times: Help Wanted
Barack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize for Not Being G.W. Bush
Questions Arise About White House Dog's Tax Filings
FTC Rules Mean End of an Era for Bloggers
Republican Accidentally Agrees with President about Weather
Fox News Offically Breaks with Reality
Nevada Woman Wants To Know Why She Isn't Part of Conspiracy
February 2009:
Humor Outlets Desperately Recruiting Blacks
Innocent Bears Face Terrible Assault By Dangerous Salmon
Anheuser-Busch, Miller Move to Five-Packs
November 2008:
Obama's First Week in Office Gets Mixed Reviews
Wall Street Bailout Plan Actually Depends On Lassie
iTunes Store Develops Sulky, Emo Sentience
My Kingdom for a Sock (or Two)
September 2008:
Clear Victor in Presidential Debate Seals Election
Errors Prompt Sarah Palin Downgrade from Vista to XP
First Third Bank Acquired By - Wait a minute...
This Slow Day Moved Along with Astonishing Speed
Small-Town Alaskan Pediatrician to Head Walter Reed Medical Center
Bo Peep Loses Sheep to Gamboling Problem
Film Falls Short of Goal to Include Every Living British Actor
The Imponderable Self, or: Why Another Bailout?
May 2008:
Associated Press Article Recipe Stolen, Recovered
Google Sells Iceland, Trades Up to E.U.
GlaxoSmithKline Patch Approved for ChapStick Addiction
April 2008:
Congress Pledges $40 Billion to Research Rice Alternatives
Reporters Use "Text Speak" In Articles, OMG!
"Bittergate" Continues, As Voters Ask: Who Did Obama Bite?
Mother Nature "Wants a TiVo, Dammit"
PsyStar Clones Steve Jobs; Hundreds Dead
Microsoft "Not Evil Enough"; Joins With Rupert Murdoch
Authorities Raid Texas "Star Wars" Compound
Bush, Putin Declare All Nations Part of First World
Airport Security Confiscates Olympic Torch
Cartoon Leper Named Nation's Worst Mascot
Money Isn't Everything, Except When it Is
Obama/Spider-Man Ticket a Winner at Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Debate
Hibernation to Blame for Bear Stearns Collapse
World's Most Intelligent Dog Composes Ode to Beanie-Weenies
Of Iron Chefs and Iron Stomachs
March 2008:
Government Scientists Create World's Smallest News Item
Boeing, Airbus Lose Air Force Contract to Nintendo
Sportscasters Ceasing Coverage of Tiger Woods, Citing Adjective Shortage
Malt does more than Milton can, to justify God's Ways to Man
September 2007:
Iraq Report Overshadowed by White House Furniture Crisis
Marginal Industries Combine Efforts, For What It's Worth
Transformers Musical Tanks, Then Robots, Then Tanks Again
May 2007:
Four Horsemen Complain Times are Tough
British Tabloid Pays High Price for Wrong Harry Potter Book
Blogosphere Kicked Out of Fourth Estate
April 2007:
Bush's Visit to Baghdad Staged In Los Angeles
Was T. Rex Genetically Engineered? Irresponsible Journalists Say "Maybe"
Times New Roman Bushwhacks Verdana, Calibri
March 2007:
Massachusetts Distributes Vowels as Economic Stimulus Package
Hearings Seek to Educate Lawmakers on Dangers of Satire
Biggest Obstacle to Education Reform? The Students
I Never Forget a Face, Except When I Do
Early Voting System Gets a Bumpy Test Run in Florida
Americans Frustrated With Lack of Cure for Death
"Sold Out" Broadway Show Can't Sell Tickets
The Mark of a Man (Space Permitting)
December 2006:
Ford Releases Water-Powered Car, But Nobody Notices
Heartwarming Holiday Stories No Piece of Cake, Says Media
Nog Declared Extinct in Norway
Once Upon a Christmas Cheery; or, Holiday with a Monkey
Congress Fails to Streamline Federal Org Chart... Again
White House Surprised That "Hannah Kah" Book Not Earning Points with Jewish Community
Amish Computer Surprise Bestseller of the Season
America Ceasing Covert Operations, to Perform Skullduggery in Plain Sight
Pro Brushing Circuit Has Its Ups And Downs
Colossal Cave Adventure Proves Hazardous to MIT Students' Health
The Truth of the Matter, I Think
July 2006:
Washington Post Under Fire For Leaking Results Of 2008 Presidential Election
Poet Obtains Restraining Order Against Intrusive Bird
Flat Earth Society Launches Mapquest Rival
May 2006:
Did You Hear "Gullible" Isn't In The Dictionary? This Time, It Really Isn't
Parents Discover Son Kept Tuition, Never Enrolled In Viking College
Postum Prices Rising in Lockstep With Crude Oil
Three Is A Crowd, Especially On My Tele-Phone
April 2006:
Thailand Very Sorry It Bought Voting Machines from Florida
Students Flunking Even When They Set the Standards
Darkness and Despair Spread as CBS Doors Open for Katie Couric, Mistress of Evil
Shh... Don't Look Now, There's A Gnome in My Office
March 2006:
Box-Office Hits Prove Arctic Ice Shelf "Okee-Dokee", Says Panel
Company's Gamble on Pork Soda in Middle East Doesn't Pay Off
University of Colorado Scientist Close to Extending Five-Second Rule
I Seem to Have A Lovely Bunch of Cocoanuts
Is Iraq Doing OK? Depends On What Definition of "Is" Is
From Truthiness to Proofiness: The New Scientific Standard
Society for Creative Anachronism Deems Chapter Insufficently Creative
Who Is That Young Fellow in My Photo Album?
Americans Surprised that Milosevic Was Still Alive
Budget Deficit Hidden in Least Interesting Document Format Scientifically Possible
Bob's Not Your Uncle, Says Study
The Adventures of an Accidental Ambassador
November 2005:
Army Using Ashlee Simpson Ringtones to Brainwash Recruits
"Prince" Arrested In California Turns Out to be Real Deal
Google Fights to Avoid Temptation of Dark Side of the Force
The Spirit is Willing, but the Flesh is... Achoo!
Baghdad Trick or Treating Goes Somewhat Awry
Black Knight Sues Royals, Files for ASBO
Plenty of Homers, but Is It Art?
Journey to a Perfect Jack O'Lantern
October 2005:
Investigation Finds FEMA Better Prepared Against Godzilla Than Hurricanes
Congress Tells National Academies "Quit Writing Stuff, Dammit"
Your Ice Cream or your Job? - "Freeze-speak" Gets People Fired
A Little Light Election-season Reading
September 2005:
Iran Warned that "Name Very Close to Iraq"
Unaired CNN Interview With Michael Brown Reveals Who's On First
Kansas School Board Considers Teaching that World Created in 1997
August 2005:
Bush Realizes How Easy it is to Govern With Congress in Recess
Illinois Man Applies for Planetary Status
Veruca Salt, Dr Pepper to Divorce
Can You Hear Me Now? ... Actually, No, I Cannot
July 2005:
UK Brews World's Largest Pot of Tea as Anti-terrorist Measure
Religious Scene Stirs Up Controversy over Grand Theft Auto
Disgruntled Harry Potter Fan Releases "Corrected" Version of Book
June 2005:
New Zealand Running Record Karma Trade Deficit
Supreme Court says Journalists Must Reveal Secret Sauce
Anti-Intellectual Property Policy Proposed
Family Altered Photo of Missing Child to Get More Help
New York City Invokes Eminent Domain to Acquire New Jersey
Disney Patents Anthropomorphic Genome
French Vote to One-Up the Dutch, Leave Europe Altogether
Platitude Farm Subsidies Safe from Budget Cuts, Says Administration
ICANN Approves .hill Domain for Hillbillies
The Beard Knows More Than You Think
May 2005:
"Church of Bush" Gets $3 Million in 2006 Budget
Kansas Board of Ed Bans All Theories From Classroom
Elephants make Seismic Rumbling in Iambic Pentameter
April 2005:
Bush Reinstates Draft to Fix Social Security, And Then Some
Trade Group Proposes Making Cuba America's 51st State
Oxford English Dictionary Absolutely, Positively Refuses to List "Smurf"
New York Daily News and New York Post Simultaneously Buy Each Other Out
Online University Sued for "Spectacularly Useless Degrees"
Episode III Darker Than Anyone Thought: It's Darth Vader, Esq.
You May Already Be A Winner, Sort Of
Government Hoarding Time Acquired Through Daylight Savings
In Boston, Pope John Paul II Communion Wafers Made with Pringles Technology
For Honey Producers, Ads Not So Sweet
March 2005:
Jules Verne Blamed for North Korea's WMD Program
Botanist Loses Funding for Illegal Stem Cell Research
Des Moines Cancels Light Rail Project Because There's Nowhere to Go
Completely Independent Article Says White House Isn't Paying Off Media Outlets
Serpents Using Immigration Loopholes to Sneak Back Into Ireland
Blondes Still Have More Fun, but Losing Advantage Rapidly
After 2 Years, Ambassador Learns Luxembourg is a Real Country
Martha Faces Challenge of Merging Corporation with Prison Gang
MIT Study Says Your Computer Never Liked You, And Never Will
Electronic Monitoring Bracelets Top-selling Gadgets of 2004
Nevada Adopts "Streamlined" History Curriculum
Paris Phone Book Posted on Internet
February 2005:
Missile Defense Test a Rousing Near-Success, Says White House
Middle-Wing Media Conspiracy Threatens America's Interest in News
Computer Program Matches Intelligence of Mankind, At Least in California
Vermont Caught Trying to Sneak Over To Canada
McDonald's Rebounds in Japan, Thanks To McPossum Sandwich
Chunk of Universe's Missing Matter Found in Skies over Los Angeles
My Surprising Luncheon Miracle
Bush Proposes Using Freedom to Balance Budget
Blue State Firefighters Make Statement With New Paint Job
Legal Battles Loom Over "Virtual Carson" Project
Getting a Bird's-eye View of Things
January 2005:
America Needs More National Crises, Says Report
Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt Driven Apart by Wittgenstein Dispute
To Toast, or Not to Toast? That is the Question
President Pledges $10 Thousand to Teach Proper Spelling Of "Tsunami"
French Nuclear Testing Foiled by Pippi Longstocking
Pilot who Drove Plane From Boston to NY Gets Reprieve
December 2004:
Embarrassing White House Error Blamed on Democratic Operative
U.S.S. Constitution Makes Drug Bust
A Very Boring Article About President Bush
A Watley Night Before Christmas
White House Announces New Color Alert System, in Five Shades of Red
Physics Teacher Earns Praise, Criticism for "Applied" Exams
Return of the Muppet Sesame Street Tried to Forget
U.S. to Deploy Converted Aircraft Carrier with Wheels in Iraq
Prison Riot Traced to Alcohol-filled Holiday Twinkies
Error-filled White House Hanukkah Greeting Fails to Anger Jews
November 2004:
Homeland Security Plan to Rely on Dinosaur Patrols
China Secretly Towing Taiwan Closer to Mainland
Eisner Accused of War Crimes For Creation of "Higglytown Heroes"
Democratic Party Announces Pro-Puppy Platform
Bush Nominates Sesame Street's Bert as Secretary of State
AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers
No Valid Votes Cast in Election
Microsoft Insists It Was Capable of Creating Macintosh Virus
Metric Specter Terrorizes Inchville, Ohio
October 2004:
Bush Camp Unnerved by France's Declaration of Support
High Court Validates Treaty Giving Cherokees Control of EM Spectrum
Mysterious Substance Falls from Sky in Southern California
Getting Out the Vote, Or Not, By Jingo
Cheney's Good Looks Give Boost to Bush Campaign
Most Popular Halloween Costume This Year Is Kepler
Some Pop Star Experiences Relationship Scandal of One Sort Or Another
Why Man's Best Friend Cannot Run for President
Al Qaeda May Be Controlling Mt. St. Helens, Warns White House
Merck Rolls Out "Pla-C-Bo" Replacement for Vioxx
NASA Redefines Boundary of Space After SpaceShipOne Flights
In Search of Treats, Lest There Be Tricks
Kitty Kelley Book Alleges Laura Bush Heir to Mustard Empire
New Dixie Cups Modeled on Holy Grail
District of Columbia Schools Substitute Harlequin Romance for Hemingway Classic
Veteran's Group Now Says Kerry Never In Vietnam to Begin With
Open Source Technology a Security Risk, Says Ashcroft
Genetically Modified "Marathon Mouse" Strain Escapes into Wild
Bush Formally Gives Iraq the Letter K
New Jersey Governor Sends Multi-Decade PR Campaign Down the Drain
Solipsism Conference Canceled Due to Lack of Participants
It is Difficult to move Forward when Looking Back so Far
Dick Cheney Publishes Children's Book to Soften Image
Bogus PDA Vaccine Fools Thousands
Athens, Georgia Despairs over Loss of Olympics
DNC Hired Mark Burnett to Try and Liven Things Up
Environmentalists, Animal Rights Activists Can't Decide What to Think about New Sheep
For Rolls-Royce, There Is Such a Thing as Too Much Luxury
I Shall Have your Secrets, Diet Pepsi!
White House Suggests Reinstating Literacy Requirements for Voting
Californians Taken Aback by Governor's Strongarm Tactics
Whale Commission Condemns Oil Development, Considers More Drastic Measures
A Modest Proposal in an Immodest World
Hyperbole up One Million Percent, Say Experts
Johnson & Johnson Scrambles to Explain Rise in Profits
Britney Changes Wedding Plans Again, to Become Nun Instead
The Perils of not Waxing (Philosophical) Enough
NATO Headaches Ensue when Bush Visits Turkmenistan Instead of Turkey
Norway Files for X-Prize, Claiming Vikings Beat SpaceShipOne to Space
Mathematicians Stunned when Computer Reaches Final Digit of Pi
A Diamond in the Too-shiny Sand
Rumsfeld Admits He Told Military to Hide Iraq Invasion from Red Cross
New Era Ushered in by SpaceShipOne a Disappointment So Far
Martha Stewart Canned Goods Selling Briskly
My Kingdom for a Subject (so to Speak)
U.S. Deciding Whether To Use FedEx to Ship Hussein Back to Iraq
Bloomsday Virus Inflicts James Joyce on Mobile Phone Users
WB Launching Americanized Harry Potter Series In Fall 2004
Woe to the Office Without a Woman's Touch
Lawyers Conclude President Not Bound by Laws of Physics
AIBO Society Petitions AKC For Recognition
Movement to Canonize Reagan Thwarted by Fact that He Wasn't Catholic
Beware Graybeards Buying Gifts
Earthquake Memo Causes More Trouble for White House
Italy Issues Guidelines for "Authentic" Mafia
Researchers Close to Understanding "Turn Signals"
The Truth is Out There, Sort Of
Kerry Challenged on Shift in Ketchup Position
Starbucks Coffee College Not Producing Enough Engineers, Says Governor
DNA Study Finds Chihuahuas Aren't Dogs
Rumsfeld Denies Knowledge of Scandals No One Knew About
Cicadas Declared Legal Tender to Boost Economy
Elmo Declares Run for Congress
Play By the Book, For Heaven's Sake
ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: By Thunder, We're Still Here
Kinko's Copying Error Erases Eighth Amendment
Bush Calls War on Terror a "Giant Game of Checkers"
Schroedinger's Cat: Key to Capital Punishment Alternative?
Governor Schwarzenegger Announces the California Dihydrogen Monoxide Network
Greece, Turkey Threaten Ten-Year War
Cleveland School Superintendent Pays $20 Million for Space Trip
Typos on New $50 Bill "Security Features," Insists Treasury
Midwestern Monkey Shortage Reaching Critical Levels
David Bowie Missing Since 2001, Says Wife
"Bush Supporters Anonymous" Try To Kick The Habit
Virginia Schools Cut Math Classes to Increase Lottery Sales
Pygmy Moose Scam Traced to Canadian Government
The Only Certain Things are Death and Taxes
Next Target in War on Terror: Spain
"Bling Bling" Not Deductible, Says IRS
India Begs US To Stop Outsourcing Customer Service Jobs
California Bids for Water from Hudson River
Food Guide Pyramid Rejected as Masonic Symbol
Murdoch Hands Media Empire to American Amphibian
FCC Fines NPR for Use of Word "Kerry"
Stealth Aircraft Show Disappoints Crowd
Poultry Industry Seeks Chicken that Doesn't Taste Like Chicken
Russia's Nuclear Fleet Not So Nuclear, Says Admiral
Maryland Motto Sends Wrong Message, Say Opponents
Rock Paper Scissors tournament Marred by Steroid Use
Missing Page of Constitution gives President New Powers
Bush Reconsiders Mars Plans with Discovery of Dihydrogen Monoxide
McDonald's Seeks to Improve Image by Frying Healthier Things
Quizno's Snatches Meal Contract from Halliburton
Good-Smelling Condors Years Away, Warn Scientists
By any other Name, it Smells as Sweet
Archaeologists find Amtrak not Extinct After All
Martha Stewart Not Charged with Murder, say Prosecutors
Ethics Conference to Focus on Coffee
Halliburton Files for Nonprofit Status
Leaked Microsoft Code contains Romance Novel
Study: Rattlesnakes make Poor Pets
Bush's Records Reveal He's a Hero
Astronomers make Important Discovery No One Understands
Too Soon to Tell if Ancient Greek Drama Making Comeback
Do Not Call Me, I shall Call You
President's Budget Hits NY Times Bestseller List
"Boring" Nature Threatens Habitat Monitoring Project
Cordon Bleu Adds Class on Microwaving
Census Fraud Uncovered; New Hampshire Revealed to be Small, Unimportant State
Dandelion Bioterrorism Attack Thwarted in Connecticut
Truffula Trees Removed from Endangered Species List
New Homeland Security Center to Focus on U.S. Popularity
Gondor Accepted into United Nations
Vatican Revokes Controversial Sainthood
NASA Rover finds Olestra in Martian Soil
Bush to Help Frozen Northeast with Heat from down South
Montana High Court rules Tanks Have to Go
California Budget Cuts Eliminate University System
Democratic hopeful Kucinich wants to recall Mars Rovers
Scholars Debate Significance of "Dickens Code"
Airport Security Policy Boon to Caricature Artists
Mars Mission Success Attributed to Corporate Endorsement
Another "Star Trek" Prediction Comes True, Unfortunately
Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot, Send a Letter
Time Capsule reveals New Set of White House Tapes - from 1903
Y2K+4 Bug Not Receiving Enough Attention, Say Experts
Macy's Holiday Sales Offset by 135% Return Rate
Resolutions Past, Present and Future
White House Announces Hanukkah to be Moved to October
Justice Department Alleges Poinsettia Monopoly
Secret Ingredient Gives Applebee's A Boost
Fox Lays Off "Superfluous" Journalists
Hussein Capture Stigmatizes Holes, Say Hobbits
Clinton Endorses Jimmy Dean for Democratic Candidate
The Secret's Out: It's Emeril Lagasse, Ph.D.
'Tis the Season for my Nemesis, the Nutcracker
Lost Colony of Roanoke Found Alive and Well
Lawsuit Seeks to Exterminate Polar Bears Because They're "Too Interesting"
Poetic Cereal Box Collection Bequeathed to College
Bush Visits UK, Declares American Independence
Internet News Unreliable, Say Researchers
Charity Raises One Million Crossword Puzzles
From Edinburgh to Edo: A most Shocking Turn of Events
Schwarzenegger Mispronounces Oath of Office; New Recall Election Mandated
Mississippi Passes "Nano-whatchamacallit" Initiative
Hallmark Considers Movie Based on Greeting Card Character
T. Herman Zweibel Won't Return My Calls
Military Wants To Embed Reporters Again - Back Home
White-collar Poetry Jobs Moving Overseas
Jessica Simpson "A Godsend" To Network TV
My Unexpected Cookie Conundrum
Apple to Release iTunes for OS/2 Warp, Says IBM
Theologians Perplexed by World's Failure to End
Boyardi Crime Family Still Going Strong
Sharp Rise in Gambling Addiction Among Armed Forces
Vuitton Lawsuit the First of Many in France
Yankee Loss Due to Daylight Savings Error
Schwarzenegger's Latest Role a Hit with President
New $20 Bill Already Causing Controversy Already
Electricity Squeezed out of Beer
Sharks Not Cooperating at National Aquarium
Canada Crippled by Article Shortage
Alas, Ephram, You've Gone Too Far
Davis Says Schwarzenegger's Not Human
Second Grade Class Wins Grant to Teach about Dinosaurs
Many False Starts for Nabisco Vaccine Project
California's Fragile
State of Affairs
I Herewith Do Formally Concede The Race, By Jingo (Concession speech, Gubernatorial Election, 2003)
Microsoft takes Cue from RIAA, Sues 6,300 Satirists
Nigeria Launches Anti-Embezzlement Satellite
Norelco-Nokia Merger Called Off
Exxon Mobil Plot Stranger Than Fiction
Japanese Cabinet Includes More Robots
Space Elevator Project Hits Snag
Iraq Occupation Hampered By Translator's Illness
Schwarzenegger Promises Quick Vote Over EU Entry
New Environmental Policy A Matter Of Perspective
Where in the World
is Uncle Zeke?
* Special Feature: E.F. Watley's Trip to Trepanning
Bush Establishes New National Lab In Texas
Florida Law Lets Students Skip High School
Harvard Not Founded By Pirates, Say Experts
Remembrance Of
Things Past: The Eyes Have It
Army Admits Testing Suits On Children "Not Very Smart"
U.S. Demands China Pick Simpler Name For Currency
MTV Producers Arrested For Trying To Incite Spears/Aguilera Fight
Greenspan Says Informed Consumers Threaten American Economy
Texas Democrats Head To International Space Station
Denny's Licenses Ham Spray Machine
New York Reports Thousands Of UFOs During Blackout
Poll: England Wants Its Monarchy, But Not Its Monarch
JPL Gets Back To Basics: Jet Packs
Time To Do My Bit,
With Six Degrees
U.S. Says Diplomacy, Not War, Answer To Mordor's WMD
Family Sues School Over Blank Books
Linguist Baffles Conference By Explaining Own Theory
To Run, Or Not To
Run? - Alas, I Must
Pope, President Agree; Not Sure What To Do
New York, London Battle Over Sussex Fossils
Seven-Eleven Sued Over "Big Gulp" Coffee Burns
My Cravat Is Trying
To Kill Me
General Motors Purchases Indian Languages
Metric System To Blame For Increased Food Portions
Patriot Act Amendment Grants Power to Librarians
Utah Man Arrested for Polygamous Livestock
Army Creates Mac-Compatible Battalion
California Announces New Earthquake Shelter System
Disney Sting Raises Legal, Ethical Issues
Alabama Ends Canine Driving Licenses after 47 Years
Iraq Claims Hulk Infringes on Copyright for Epic of Gilgamesh
New Textile Effective Against Nudity
FEMA Plans Tornado-Powered Electrical System
Third Council of Nicea Issues Proclamation on Recycling
Study Supports Effectiveness of Nacho Diet
Bush Administration issues Letters of Marque to Airlines
DEA Breaks Up Coke Distribution Ring in Atlanta
American Wildlife Less Well Educated than Asian, European Wildlife
Lard Not A "Natural Flavor," Says FDA
Medical Insurance to Cover Vodka
North Carolina, North Dakota Form Northern Defense League
New Toyota Prototype Violates Japanese Constitution
Starbucks Expansion Theorem Proven
Government Explores Exporting a Different Kind of Labor
Frosting Migration More Serious Than Previously Believed
Lawless Province Makes it Hard for Aid Workers to Keep Feet on Ground
Town Uses Ebay to Recoup Festival Losses
J. Lo, Paramour Dine on $300,000 Sandwich
Rumsfeld, Ashcroft at Odds Over Deportation of Roswell Aliens
Survey Links Telephones to Gastrointestinal Ailments
