We're Still Here, By Thunder

Just over a Year ago, the Solicitors for my Great-Uncle's estate placed an old wooden cask of Sovereigns on my Desk with entirely Inaudible explanations on why it had taken so many Years for this inheritance to come to me. My Imagination was immediately caught up once again in the Possibility of finally completing the Family Dream and successfully making my way as a News-Paper Editor, only to find that I had only enough Funds to support a Webamagraph publication. I suspected that this Suggestion was but a ruse on the part of my ne'er-do-well Nephew to procure a soft Employment for a time; but the dream was so Compelling that I took my chances.

Who would have thought, by Jove, that we would actually succeed in Lasting for an Entire Year without Ephram being arrested even Once? In this time we have far Surpassed my every Expectation. Ephram and his Cronies have written over Two Hundred articles, somehow, proving that one may Sleep twenty hours a Day and yet be marginally Productive. Whereas a year ago but a scant few Parole Officers and family Friends perused our pages, in this most recent month we had Twenty-five Thousand unique visitors, who perused a total of over Fifty Thousand pages on our Site. Now That calls for a Drink! Accordingly, I have brought out Plenty of bottles of Virtual Scotch for One and All.

The very First issue which rolled off our virtual Presses looked a bit more Primitive than our current layout, and smelled Slightly of fish - minor considerations, to be Sure. Amazingly, an article from this very Issue later proved to be our first certified Success, as thousands of people in Iceland belatedly discovered that Google owned their Country; but you may be Entirely Uninterested to know that the very first Article which Ephram wrote, in an effort to Convince me that this venture would be Feasible, was not printed until our Third Issue. You may note some stylistic Quirks in that piece, such as the allegedly humorous Names of the principals; we have since gotten a bit Better at what we do.

Thanks are due to many who have Helped us Succeed; including the estimable BBspot, which was the very First site to Link to us; Deadbrain and the ISNA, which were not far Behind; the good folks at Trepanning, for providing a Singular vacation destination and much-appreciated Support when it was Needed; the excellent Humorfeed; our Friends at the renowned Thinkdammit.com, which provided Inspiration at the very Start; and of course the Man in the White Hat, whose help has earned him Access to my Entire Scotch Collection ad libitum.

But of course, it is our Noble and esteemed Readers who deserve the Greatest thanks. It is You who make this production Worthwhile, and we are Most Recognizant for your taking the time to Visit us and to send us your Delightful Electro-Mails. I am a poor Prognosticator and cannot say whether my Staff may continue to avoid trouble with the Constabulary sufficiently long to allow us to reach more such Milestones as this; but in the Meanwhile we shall Forge ahead, casting the Clear Light of such Journalism as we practice on the many Truths of the World as Long as we May. Thank you, and God Bless you, Every One.