I Herewith Do Formally Concede The Race, By Jingo

My Fellow Californians, Americans, and friends from Abroad;

As this most Herculean of Contests has come to a Close, and the ballots and Voters, Dimpled and Otherwise, have been Counted, it has been made apparent to me that I have not managed to Carry the State of California. I was not Officially informed, but I have a lad who runs Errands for me - a Baleen Street Irregular, if you will - who saw the Results while borrowing some Chicken Wings from the reception at Republican Headquarters.

This loss comes as a Shock, though I was not actually on the Ballot and my dear assistant Elisabeth has informed me that Ephram never mailed my Notice of Write-In Status - so consequently the State did not count Any of my votes. Still, it was a Close race, down to the very Wire; and I was glued to my Radio until Nature called and I forgot to come Back.

I fully intend to Support Governor-Elect Schwarzenegger, unless he makes us all speak with an Austro-Hungarian accents or tries to Reinstate the Hapsburgs; in which case I shall pack a trunkful of my best Cravats and Spats and voyage promptly to our Nation's Capital to complain.

I would like to thank all of those who Supported me; from the lingering ghost of Teddy Roosevelt's Bull Moose Party - we shall win Yet, fellows! - to my loyal staff, who all would have Voted for me had they been Eligible; to the ever-faithful Elisabeth, who ironed the Bunting which I diligently hung from my Study Window; to the Old Salt, whose vote was sadly cast on the wrong Coast. Also deserving of thanks are Johnny Walker, who assisted me in the Mornings; Cutty Sark, who was invaluable in my Luncheon Campaigning efforts; the Macallan, staunch defender of my post-prandial Naps; Chivas Regal, who was with me through all that campaigning in the Pub.

There are many others deserving of mention, though I cannot quite remember them all. But my Physician says that is Normal for a man of my Age with a Brain so Crammed with Knowledge and Experience; so it is Nothing to worry about.

God Bless California, and God Bless America, and God Bless pretty much Everybody, except for those fellows we're fighting Overseas, whichever ones those are.