Vol. 1, Issue 24, October 28, 2003
A Peerless Liniment Experience
Glossy News

Who Turned Out the Lights?

Ezekiel F. Watley, Esq.

Now our Publication is normally given to a rather Serious news-bent; that is to say, we cover issues of the Economy, of Politics, international Affairs, and so forth; but with regards to popular Culture, we pay little Heed. Conveniently, popular Culture pays little Heed to us, and everyone gets along Swimmingly.

But an exciting Adventure befell us all this week when a crisp envelope arrived at our Doorstep, replete with embossed Tickets for a Cinematic Premiere. Somehow, our journalistic Acumen was being called upon to experience a new Motion-Picture. I was intrigued: a flip of the Coin said we should Go. Decided then!

I confess the Thrill of the theater was rather Distracting: the hushed Drama when the Lights were lowered, the fine Refreshments with which to Fortify ourselves: it was a World removed from the old Senator Theater I was used to Frequent in my carefree Youth.

I confess I have never quite gotten Used to the Sound of to-day's Motion Picture; it Jars the senses and disturbs one's Lunch if one has had the Bisque. But fortunately a Handkerchief, discreetly stuffed in the Ears, helped compensate.

The film was Extraordinary! Well, the First part was extraordinary, in which there was a Man doing... well, in Truth I remember Not. But he did it Boldly and with a Glint in his eye. Now there was a second Man, and... to be perfectly Honest I dozed a bit through that part; but the Next part, in which the Woman was standing - hmm, where did I leave my drink?

All of the parts which I Saw were perfectly Entertaining, and I am told the Story was well-Crafted. Personally I have learned that modern Theater is perhaps a bit Much for this old man, for I could not get the Handkerchiefs out of my ears without Assistance, I fear. Moreover, did you know one cannot Smoke in a Theater these days? I now do. As an Attorney at Law, however, I do know it is not Legal to cry 'Fire' in a theater, especially since I was merely lighting my Pipe. There shall be Repercussions, young lady, from Society, I assure you!

In short, I do not remember the Motion-Picture very well, nor the Point of this Editorial; except as it were not to light your Pipe therein. Well, there must have been more than that; I shall be sure to let you Know as soon as I recall.


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