Computer Program Matches Intelligence of Mankind, At Least in California
California's education system has long been a source of woe for policymakers and California
residents alike, with the state struggling to adequately sustain a system with over 6 million
students while facing crippling deficits. However, after years of serious news and heated debates,
a bright side has finally been found to the state's predicament.
"I am proud to announce that IBM Almaden has succeeded with a truly historic project: the
creation of a sentient, artificial intelligence," said Dr. Mark Dean, director of the Almaden
Research Facility. "And we owe it all to California's years of slipshod education, paradoxically
enough."
IBM says it has developed a computer program capable of passing the Turing test, which is
generally regarded as the definitive determination of whether a machine can effectively simulate
human behavior.
"The 'Maisy 5' has significant potential, and raises many philosophical issues as well," noted
Dean. "For example, we are trying to establish whether Maisy is eligible to vote in the next
election."
The test is named after Alan Turing the brilliant British mathematician. Among his many
accomplishments was basic research in computing science. In 1950, in the article "Computing
Machinery and Intelligence" which appeared in the philosophical journal Mind, Alan Turing asked the
question "Can a Machine Think?" He answered in the affirmative, but a central question was: "If a
computer could think, how could we tell?" Turing's suggestion was, that if the responses from the
computer were indistinguishable from that of a human, the computer could be said to be thinking.
"Well, what's happened here is not that the computers got smarter - the people got dumber," said
computer science professor Henrietta DeMarcos. "The big annual competition, the Loebner
Competition, is held in New York, you see. And every year, the best programs there couldn't fool
the judges into thinking they were New Yorkers. But mimicking products of the California education
system is another matter altogether."
Partial transcripts of the IBM Almaden tests do indicate that the human 'controls' used as blind
points of comparison with Maisy 5 exhibited a remarkable lack of knowledge about basic social
concepts, were prone to frequent non-sequiturs, and in short were not capable of carrying on a
convincing conversation.
"I was sure that only a poorly-designed program could be so incoherent and moronic," said one of
the judges in the study, referring to one of the human participants. "I mean, they couldn't even
spell right. I thought perhaps the program had a virus or something and was possibly a Microsoft
project. The Maisy program seemed downright civilized and intelligent by comparison."
Maisy 5 has already attracted the attention of the Pentagon, which says it is interested in using
the software in robotic soldiers currently under development.
"Frankly, we don't care if the system only looks good in comparison to California kids," said
Pentagon spokesperson Charles Beringer. "Remember that we get recruits from California too. This
would be a step up no matter what."