Lard Not A "Natural Flavor," Says FDA
A special committee at the Food and Drug Administration has issued its final report rejecting
the petition of Carolina Agronomics Inc. to expand the definition of "natural flavoring."
The decision marks the end of an eight-year struggle on the part of the conglomerate to list
lard as a natural flavoring. For much of this time, participants were prevented from discussing the
case due to a gag order issued by a federal judge.
"Lard is a perfectly natural product," said a company spokesperson in previously filed
statements. "It is wholesome and easily digestible, and it imparts a subtle flavoring to a wide
variety of foods. We believe that the re-labeling will more accurately reflect the original
intentions of America's founding fathers."
The FDA rejected this argument, noting that the intentions of the founding fathers do not
explicitly or implicitly have anything to do with the subject matter of the case. It also noted
that the traditional industry standard for use of natural or artificial flavorings is no more than
two or three percent of the product by weight, whereas many foodstuffs produced by Carolina
Agronomics and its subsidiaries contain up to fifty percent lard.
"There's a reason why their products continue to dominate the market," noted Wharton University
nutritionist Abel Franks. "Carolina Agronomics is the single largest supplier of pre-prepared foods
in the country, and people like the way lard tastes, especially if they don't know they're eating
it."
The FDA's ruling demands public disclosure of lard use in all Carolina Agronomics products,
effective immediately, which has resulted in far-reaching and awkward unforeseen political
consequences.
"Apparently, Carolina Agronomics - which is primarily known for its hog farms - quietly acquired
the Little Debutante line of snack foods in 1997," said an administration official, John Flores, who
asked not to be named in this article. "Little Debutante makes the Freedom Food Care Packages that
the U.S. government has been airlifting into Iraq and Afghanistan by the ton. We had no idea that
the 'natural flavoring' in these products came from animal sources strictly prohibited by Islamic
law."
"Think the 'Arab Street' is angry at us now? Wait until they find out that thousands of people
have been eating care packages that are 35% rendered pork fat by weight," Franks said. The Arab
Street had no comment, as we could not find it on Mapquest.