May 2003 through the present
The Power of Lemons and Onions!
The Apesheet

Letters to the Editor

A great many letters cross my Desk, with many an Opinion of the so-called Journalism we practice here. We are Grateful to all those who have taken the Time to send us their carefully crafted Missives, many of which are truly Exemplary epistles. If you would like to contact us, please send an Electro-Mail. We shall be most Recognizant.

Either you have retired, have no life, or just have Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ay too much time on your hands! Great site! You are one funny writer! I loved the Greek bit! Obviously, you are getting much better drugs than we are!

Skip S.

Dear sir,

How do you decide which words to capitalize, and why is it always funny?


Danno S.

What a pleasant surprise to find my favorite Editors Back in the saddle again! I must question, however, the wisdom of your latest posting regarding Is Iraq Doing OK?

My concern is that your Articles on Mr. W can no longer be differentiated from the Real thing. Is this something from the quill pen of Ezekiel F. Watley, or is it an AP posting that strayed onto the internet? The line between reality and fiction has sadly become blurred. After listening to Mr W's convoluted reasoning in yesterday's conference in Ohio, I can only surmise that he is a fervent though secret fan of your esteemed publication, but, however, has failed to grasp the concept of satire.

With sincere Wishes for many more editions,

Therese C.

Just a quickie from the Old Country to say congratulations on your estimable publication.  Generally, and unfortunately, colonials (and you Yankee lot in particular) have a reputation for not understanding the subtler side of humour.  You however seem to defy that and you've cheered me up to boot.  Must be the whiskey.  You also seem to have a completely cynical view of 'normal' journalists, a breed which I despise. Hurrah and well done.

Have you considered applying to re-join the Commonwealth? What do you mean - you were never in it? Has something happened? Where has all the tea gone?

Andrew B.

I have recently been perusing your Archives, and in the course of printing out such shocking exposes as the Affair of the Pygmy Moose, I have inadvertently left copies where my lady Wife has been able to see them. While I myself am prone to a certain manly outrage at such shenanigans on the part of the Powerful and Wealthy, the more tender nature of Woman reacted with a curious hysteria, involving peals of laughter, shaking shoulders, tears streaming down the face, and finally a collapse from the chair on which she sat, ending with the good woman pounding the floor while gasping out "P-p-pygmy moose!" I had no idea she would become so alarmed at this admittedly grave public problem between the two Cousin Nations.

While moodily mixing Chloral Hydrate into her medicinal glass of Gin, it occurred to me that you might want to issue a warning that some content in the Watley Review may be too stirring for those of a delicate nature.

Yr devoted reader,

Douglas N.

Your Paper is Wonderful, an amazing compendium of ideas, worthy of being printed and plastered with Rubber Cement all over the Walls of my place of Employment. I shall immediately after my midday repose begin this process. I found your place of expounding quite by Accident, and am Quite pleased for the Fortuitous event of such. Please, continue in your Endeavors, and I will continue to Revel in your words.

Sincerely, Kim M.

Great work! The GM article is going around Indian country and everyone's interested. Even a few were fooled. LOL


Thank you. Many worthwhile articles are overlooked, and would never be seen, except for journalistic endeavors like yours. Stay probing and independent.


Laughter...I can't believe I almost used you guys as a reliable source for my research project. Thank goodness I have the sense to click on the link entitled disclaimer before your work influences me entirely, thus giving my paper artificial flavoring that I doubt my teacher would appreciate... Thanks for the cheer up. I intend upon applying to this heathen establishment when I'm old enough!

Christine M.

My name is Kali Amanda Browne and for a period between 1991 and 1995, I was the editor and publisher of the Watley-Browne Review. It too included the odd piece of satire and some made up news, social commentary, comics and generally lunacy induced by liquids from fermented potatoes and such.

This need to publish, it is genetic!... Either way, I am glad the family name continues to make its mark on the Fourth Estate! All Hail the Watley! Watley rules!


I tremble as I take pen in hand to Compliment you and your Stalwart Companions in your journalistic endeavors. Never, good sirs, have I been so Well Informed as to the Nature of the world around me until I began reading your Wondrous Journal. Please do continue your efforts, for those of us who desire a good Laugh and eschew Curmudgeonry will ever be your Grateful Readers.

Your humble servant, Paul Smouse III

I must Applaud your recent coverage of the Disney Debacle, and Raise a glass of Single Malt in your honor, Sir! The disclosing of Mr. Mouse's sudden resignation was a Veritable scoop! In the Spirit of Grand Communications, I have taken the Liberty of sharing this startling Revelation with the Operators of webamagraph Sites that exclusively focus their efforts on the Magic Kingdom and its Denizens. I do implore that you Instruct the nefarious Ephram to brace your Difference engines for a veritable onslaught should your fellow Journalists Elect to share this information with their Vast and esteemed Readership. I do offer my Best hopes that your webamagraph is Study enough to Meet this Herculean effort. Courage!

With all Sorts of regards, Michael Jehosephat Campbell

To you, Good Sir, and your Excellent and Hard-drinking staff, I wish you Holiday-oriented Greetings, with no Particular political or Religious under- or over-tones. Perhaps this Will be the Year that Ephram finally wins Serious Money in one of the many quality State operated Lottery games... I wish you Continued success, Sir, what with all The ennui in the World today and the Fox News Network, The Watley Review is quickly Becoming my Only source of Current events. I would hope that It continues Well into the Next couple of Weeks.

My Very Best Regards, Robert C. M.

Fascinating article. But there was no mention of the highly profitable Land Rover and Mars candy bar commercial connections.

Mark Adler, Mars Exploration Program Architect

I have been looking for something like this for years without knowing it. A fellow traveler in True Under Journalism. Have distributed single copies of The Beresford Bawl to a choice and small group of friends in this apartment building co-op for several years, based on your concept of tales that are supposedly faux but bear an inner logic and truth.

Gratefully, Curtis M.

Thanks!! I know I'm going to enjoy reading the news with your particular slant on it... it's much more entertaining and I'm proud to be on your mailing list.

Lynn C.

Ah, the wonders of modern technology! I am writing from snow-covered Rieti, some 60 miles north of Rome as the crow flies. I most earnestly hope this missive will reach you, eventually, as I've lately heard that the Atlantic steamer service between Europe and the New World is now much reduced. I've heard of your publication from that much-esteemed daily, the Christian Science Monitor. My congratulations for your journalistic efforts, please keep up the good work. Whatever that may be, aside from sampling that single malt.

Best regards, Claudio B.

Jesus, where have you been the last two years of my life? Years filled with disease, pain, suffering and few laughs. I just discovered you with a forward of your marvelous dog (rat) article! ...Keep up the funny work and don't give up the single malts yet.


I cannot tell you the enjoyment I receive from your musings and, being one of the "great many People" who visited your webamagraph for the first time last week, find you a breath of fresh air in the morass of unhealthful news out there. Thank you for your intelligence and humor.

Ann W.

I love the roar of printing presses and still consider my first paper route to be my favorite job, 30-some years ago. To feel the publishing industry through your Webagraph machine and into my Electropicturphone device is warmhearted and brings a big smile. Good work! (I tried to send you some music but this old 78 won't fit into the slot on my Electropicturephone machine.)

Chaz D.

Just finished my first (of many) visits to your website--my brother sent me a link to the Amtrak story. Hysterical! I am bookmarking your site. Keep up the great work--

Karen R.

You cannot imagine the Joy and Relief I felt upon reading your Truly Astonishing Story about the rediscovery of the Lost Amtrak culture. This was Especially important to all in my household, because my Husband is an Amtrak Engineer. He was Most Grateful to discover that he was not Alone in pursuing his Ancient Culture. Please be Assured that your Story has been posted in the local Crew Room, so that the other Lonely Followers of Amtrak know that their Culture is Respected and Studied by eminent scientists today.

With great Respect and Appreciation, Amy R.

I loved the piece about Harvard not being founded by pirates - bloody brilliant stuff.


Thanks for the great article about our study -- I can honestly say it's been the most enjoyable of all the press coverage! I almost fell off my chair laughing. Best regards,

Leonid Kruglyak

Dear Sirs:

Upon referral to your location from a brother-in-kind, a similar "Webamagraph" named "FARK", I read and quoted your informative article regarding the bastardry of what is apparently a rodent called "Chihuahuas".

I hap-hazardly informed my wife, of 35 years, as to the genetically alarming nature of this article. Her response to this, was to firstly; A painfully loud "Scream" coinciding with a jump on to the couch. Secondly: from the couch, she successfully negotiated an impressive "flight" onto the kitchen table (On a stack of Gideon's, I swear her aerial feat covered a distance of 12 feet), powered, I'm certain, by a barrage of even number of smaller, but louder "Screeches", that continued with out abatement after landing. Thirdly: Her rapid decent from the table, the same table that our family has shared many prayers and blessed meals, did, in fact destroy- not only her house slippers and the carpet area where she hit the floor, but also a three year old household pet that we used to call "Paco".

A rodent, will, if properly pounded (In this case, by a 280 pound house wife), will splatter!!! I have been trying since 6:45am to remove the blood stains from the above aforementioned slippers and carpet, to no avail. In addition, I believe that I have, in the process of removing the carcass from our home, completely destroyed the disposal device in my kitchen sink.

I was wondering where you heard about the Chihuahua / Rodent link. I would like for my lovely wife to speak to them in hopes of getting her out of the locked bathroom. The sooner this conversation takes place, the better. I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes, and she hasn't made my breakfast yet.

Thanks, Richard D.

On the way to work today one of the radio announcers reported that she had read that scientists had determined (I am sure you know the rest.) I stupidly believed her (in my defense, I had too much wine last night and no coffee yet today...) and related the story myself when I got to work. Everyone laughed and told me how gullible I was. I huffed and went to Snopes to check and... I am going to come find you guys and make you drink Tequila shots till you puke. Good thing I am blonde so I can just blame it on that (never mind that I actually test software for a living and am supposed to be educated and intelligent.) You guys have too much time on your hands.

Ticia G.



Watley site is great. A dad-blamed great bit of writing you do do. :>)


What a great pleasure to have found you; finally, someone sane in a totally insane world.

Banny B.

Hurrah! At last, a Beacon of Light in the Darkness that is the Web.

Maryann M.

Felicitations from the Antipodes. I'm one of the latest "Statistics for your humble Site". Have you any idea of where your readers are in the World? The Review is superb and I suspect you will soon be needing either Foreign Correspondents or the dispatching of Ezekiel on a fast clipper. We produce an excellent single malt in Tasmania!


A full BANNER link! Damn it, man, I need a link to you!

Eric E.

Occasionally one comes upon something that, all unknown to oneself, has been needed to fill an absence or want in one's life. Such is the term "electro-mail," which I request your permission to use henceforth.

I've just come upon your excellent publication, and am enjoying the reading of it immensely, and will print it out as well and take it with me to the fishmonger's establishment upon market day.

Yr (newly) devoted reader,

Douglas N.

In recent months I have been perusing your publication with, I dare say, abandon. My physician has advised me that moderate use of cocaine might be less harmful, but he, to be blunt, is a humourless, illiterate quack, infinitely agitated by dyspepsia. I tolerate him only because he is my brother...

Todd H.J.P., Ph.D.

"Yes!!! Yes!!! " I just found your fine Publication on the Internet. Watley Review is now saved permanently in my list of favorites. I also subscribed to your publication, I am now going to be one of the privileged that receives updates automatically. I'll be sure and pass the word to all of my friends. Keep up the good work!!!


Oh yes, what joy! Not knowing initially that you were a voice from far across the great sea it was a life-enhancing shock to learn that indeed you were. Here on the decrepit (to hear many US commentators) side of the ocean there are very many of us, antediluvian and pathetic though we may be, who are much less than ecstatic at the behaviour (ah, that intrusive 'u' - but I insist on it) of your gentlemen in Washington DC. Indeed we are equally unenamoured by the performance of our own lickspittle Blair. I wonder if we will hear from you about Peak Oil and the distressing light which it appears to throw on our current woes - or have you done so and I missed it?

Very much love to all at the shop,

Peter R.

"Yeah baby, I love the big WR"


Your recent article about my fellow state-mate, Miss Spears, was brilliant and delicious. Thank you ever so much for your continued insightful and incisive electro-ledger! Every week brings a new delight. With kindest personal regards, I beg to remain, Faithfully yours,

Very Rev. Kenneth M. K.

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