Vol. 1, Issue 1, May 13, 2003
The Power of Lemons and Onions!
US Press News

A Humble Dream, Realized at Last

Ezekiel F. Watley, Esq.

Journalism is a family Trait much like the fabled Hapsburg Chin: if you've got it, e'er does it sail through the Bloodstream, deny it though you may. In my family, alas, it has not led to success. My grandfather started a newspaper, "The Watley Review," even before his Steamship had finished crossing the Atlantic; but his paper did not make it to shore, as his makeshift printing press was powered by the ship's Boilers. Later, my father revived the Review in which to wrap the Fish he served at his fishmongery. His inspired distribution plan was regretfully less than successful. Chastened by the lessons of my forefathers, I regretfully forebade myself from pursuing the same ruinous path, and have to date led a quiet and uneventful life.

But last month two remarkable Events occurred. First, I unexpectedly came into a minor trust fund from my great-uncle Elijah Fargo Watley, who earned his Fortune in the whaling business back when this was legal. For a brief instant, I had a glimmer of Hope - funds with which to pursue my own journalistic Dreams! But alas, it turns out that printing presses are enormously expensive, and whaling was not all that profitable.

And then my nephew Ephram told me about this remarkable new System which people are using nowadays, the "World-Wide Webamagraph." It turns out that the Webamagraph requires no printing Press or Paper, but speeds its way across Telegraph wires in a manner to astonish those from the Old Country. Ephram assures me that hundreds of educated Americans have the sophistication to access this marvel through their home Electrical Babbage Difference Engines, and that through the Webamagraph, we could distribute a Newspaper to the very West Coast, or even England. And all for a cost that even Uncle Elijah's modest whaling funds could cover.

I leave the technical Details, day-to-day Management, and Reporting to Ephram and his stalwart Drinking fellows, but rest assured that my steady Hand is at the Helm of this, the Third and Greatest Incarnation of the Watley Review. Our staff is inspired by none but the Finest single-malt Scotch, and we shall provide you, the Reader, with stories that you won't find in any other Daily. Let us know what you think via the Electro-Mail. We shall be most Appreciative.

Ezekiel Franklin Watley, Esq.
Founder and Editor

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