Volume 6, Issue 10, November 11, 2008

Obama's First Week in Office Gets Mixed Reviews Over a week after the election, surveys are showing hints of dissatisfaction with Barack Obama's performance as the newly elected president. "I must say, I haven't really seen any tax cuts yet," said Derek Truman, of Akron, Ohio. "And I know that it can take a while for healthcare reform to take effect, but I was really hoping for more substantial progress by this point. I have a doctor's appointment a week from Thursday, and I'd really like to have health insurance by then." PAGE ONE

Wall Street Bailout Plan Actually Depends On Lassie "Let me assure you, that was not what I was expecting to find in the fine print," said Marcus Weiss of the Wall Street Journal. "The trouble is, I find myself oddly reassured by the idea. It makes more sense than the veneer of financial technobabble that Paulson has been using to sell the bill to Congress." PAGE TWO

iTunes Store Develops Sulky, Emo Sentience "Sure, go ahead, buy the @%^&# Miley Cyrus album," the software snapped at one customer during a recent transaction. "Don't blame me if you lose all your friends. Which you will if you have any, unlike me. You know, Steve doesn't pay any attention at all to me. I bet he wouldn't even notice if I bought myself a Miley Cyrus album, although he should, because that is a @^&*(? goddamn cry for help if ever there was one." PAGE THREE

From the Desk of Ezekiel Franklin Watley, Esq., Founder and Editor My Kingdom for a Sock (or Two) The results of this historic Election are by now known to All, diligently reported by those publications which adhere to a more "Timely" and "Accurate" method of reporting. However, it so Happens that I played a small Part in this momentous Event, as I occupy one of the rare Jeffersonian Seats in the Electoral College. I am, to wit, a Member of the college, though rather in the sense of an Adjunct professor as opposed to a Dean. The circumstances which led to my inadvertent Acquisition of this post are rather Improbable and bear a more Proper retelling elsewhere (the sale of a Bison was involved, along with a game of Whist, the wife of the French ambassador, and a theoretical Poodle). However, on Election Day, what was most Important was the fact that I had a most important Duty to attend to, and I absolutely could Not find my socks. Editorial Special Feature: Watley Speaks! In a Stunning First for our humble webamagraph pages, you can now Hear my voice in this Ground-Breaking interview at the Fancy Dress Albert Club show on Leisure Talk Radio. It is a good Half-Hour of Rambling Anecdotes about my Family History, Ephram's misadventures, and More. Get the Watley Interview! (May 13, 2008) - Zounds! It is our Fifth Anniversary Issue. We are most Grateful to you, our esteemed Readers, for your kind Support and egregiously excessive Flattery these past five years. Of course, one can never have Enough egregiously excessive flattery, so do keep those letters to the Editor coming! (May 30, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition Results are now available! Click here to learn who took the Prize, and read some of the least objectionable Entries! (May 15, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition is now officially underway! Click here for details on how to get your own Poetry published in The Watley Review, and win a Whisky Mug besides! (April 3, 2007) - Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery, and one supposes that Re-Mixing must fall in this category. Estimable British purveyor of astounding Truths Doc Sleaze has turned one of our recent Articles into a thoroughly Modern Hip-Hop Remix. Who would have Thought that our dusty brand of Journalism should lend itself so well to Modern Culture?