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Volume 6, Issue 10, November 11, 2008
Obama's First Week in Office Gets Mixed Reviews
Over a week after the election, surveys are showing hints of dissatisfaction with Barack Obama's
performance as the newly elected president.
"I must say, I haven't really seen any tax cuts yet," said Derek Truman, of Akron, Ohio. "And I
know that it can take a while for healthcare reform to take effect, but I was really hoping for
more substantial progress by this point. I have a doctor's appointment a week from Thursday, and
I'd really like to have health insurance by then."
Wall Street Bailout Plan Actually Depends On Lassie
"Let me assure you, that was not what I was expecting to find in the fine print," said Marcus Weiss of the Wall Street
Journal. "The trouble is, I find myself oddly reassured by the idea. It makes more sense than the veneer of financial technobabble
that Paulson has been using to sell the bill to Congress."
"Sure, go ahead, buy the @%^ Miley Cyrus album," the software snapped at one customer during a recent transaction.
"Don't blame me if you lose all your friends. Which you will if you have any, unlike me. You know, Steve doesn't pay
any attention at all to me. I bet he wouldn't even notice if I bought myself a Miley Cyrus album, although he should,
because that is a @^&*(? goddamn cry for help if ever there was one."
From the Desk of Ezekiel Franklin Watley, Esq., Founder and Editor
My Kingdom for a Sock (or Two)
The results of this historic Election are by now known to All, diligently reported by those publications which adhere to a more "Timely" and "Accurate"
method of reporting. However, it so Happens that I played a small Part in this momentous Event, as I occupy one of the rare Jeffersonian Seats in the
Electoral College. I am, to wit, a Member of the college, though rather in the sense of an Adjunct professor as opposed to a Dean. The circumstances which
led to my inadvertent Acquisition of this post are rather Improbable and bear a more Proper retelling elsewhere (the sale of a Bison was involved, along with
a game of Whist, the wife of the French ambassador, and a theoretical Poodle). However, on Election Day, what was most Important was the fact that
I had a most important Duty to attend to, and I absolutely could Not find my socks.
(May 13, 2008) - Zounds! It is our Fifth Anniversary Issue. We are most
Grateful to you, our esteemed Readers, for your kind Support and egregiously excessive Flattery these past five
years. Of course, one can never have Enough egregiously excessive flattery, so do keep those letters to the Editor coming!
(May 30, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition Results
are now available! Click here to learn who took the Prize,
and read some of the least objectionable Entries!
(May 15, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition
is now officially underway! Click here for details on how
to get your own Poetry published in The Watley Review, and win a Whisky Mug besides!
(April 3, 2007) - Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery,
and one supposes that Re-Mixing must fall in this category. Estimable British purveyor of astounding Truths Doc Sleaze has turned one of our recent Articles into a thoroughly Modern Hip-Hop Remix. Who would have Thought that our dusty brand of Journalism should lend itself so well to Modern Culture?
Letters To the Editor
"Do you know that the Chihuahua thing is zooming around the Internet...without the disclaimer? I don't think you can stop it..."